Monday, October 2, 2017

To the Shame Within Me: Letters From A Better Me


To the Shame Within Me:


When I was little, I thought that when I made mistakes, I was bad. Eventually I started believing I was a horrible person for my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to circumstances that were way to advanced for me to understand. I thought I was responsible for the toxic relationships around me. I hated myself for being who I was, what I did, and what I let happen to me. That is where you started taking over my life. When at the core, I feel like a bad person, I have no other choice than to sabotage all that is good. When I believe in you, I feed the message that I don’t deserve to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and happy. I then will turn my shame on others to try to make them feel unloved, unappreciated, unacceptable, and unhappy. I don’t do this intentionally. I only can give what I have inside. When I embrace you, I’m embracing a life of misery.

I’ve discovered I don’t have to hate myself for not being perfect. The best thing I could ever do is embrace my imperfections, learn, and teach others that we all have feelings and thoughts that make us uncomfortable. I will no longer be responsible for keeping my struggles a secret so I remain trapped and doing things for the wrong reasons. My attachment to you is only hurting me and the people around me.

When I’m attached to you, my life suffers. I have no idea what’s real. I lash out for reasons I don’t understand and I hurt the innocent people who are around me. When I don’t look at myself and ask to be released from the negative thoughts and energy I’m putting out into the world, I am responsible for the suffering I create.
            
So shame, I release you from your services. I no lingered need to be ashamed of who I am. I’m human and making mistakes is how I grow. I release myself from the past that has kept me in this place of hurt. I ask forgiveness to all the people I have unintentionally hurt along the way because of how my own personal feelings of self-hate created a darkness in how I functioned in the world.
            
Today, I will commit to not keeping your secrets. I will be honest by the way I feel and know that it is ok to have dark thoughts. I will ask that when they come up, they be filled with a loving, compassionate energy to transform my thoughts into actions that will help myself and others.
            
Thank you for helping me see the truth. I realize I needed you to do what you did in order for me to grow. I know I needed to see that I am responsible for loving, appreciating, and accepting myself. I can’t depend on others to do it for me. I needed to see that I was only getting reflected back, what I was projecting out. Thank you for the lesson, now it is time for me to move on with love and compassion.

With Love and light,
A Better Me