To the Shame Within Me:
When I was little, I thought that
when I made mistakes, I was bad. Eventually I started believing I was a
horrible person for my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to circumstances that
were way to advanced for me to understand. I thought I was responsible for the
toxic relationships around me. I hated myself for being who I was, what I did,
and what I let happen to me. That is where you started taking over my life.
When at the core, I feel like a bad person, I have no other choice than to
sabotage all that is good. When I believe in you, I feed the message that I
don’t deserve to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and happy. I then will turn
my shame on others to try to make them feel unloved, unappreciated,
unacceptable, and unhappy. I don’t do this intentionally. I only can give what
I have inside. When I embrace you, I’m embracing a life of misery.
I’ve discovered I don’t have to hate
myself for not being perfect. The best thing I could ever do is embrace my
imperfections, learn, and teach others that we all have feelings and thoughts
that make us uncomfortable. I will no longer be responsible for keeping my
struggles a secret so I remain trapped and doing things for the wrong reasons.
My attachment to you is only hurting me and the people around me.
When I’m attached to
you, my life suffers. I have no idea what’s real. I lash out for reasons I
don’t understand and I hurt the innocent people who are around me. When I don’t
look at myself and ask to be released from the negative thoughts and energy I’m
putting out into the world, I am responsible for the suffering I create.
So shame, I release you from your
services. I no lingered need to be ashamed of who I am. I’m human and making
mistakes is how I grow. I release myself from the past that has kept me in this
place of hurt. I ask forgiveness to all the people I have unintentionally hurt
along the way because of how my own personal feelings of self-hate created a
darkness in how I functioned in the world.
Today, I will commit to not keeping
your secrets. I will be honest by the way I feel and know that it is ok to have
dark thoughts. I will ask that when they come up, they be filled with a loving,
compassionate energy to transform my thoughts into actions that will help
myself and others.
Thank you for helping me see the
truth. I realize I needed you to do what you did in order for me to grow. I
know I needed to see that I am responsible for loving, appreciating, and
accepting myself. I can’t depend on others to do it for me. I needed to see
that I was only getting reflected back, what I was projecting out. Thank you
for the lesson, now it is time for me to move on with love and compassion.
With Love and light,
A Better Me
