An Open Letter to Carroll County Maryland Sheriff's Department

An Open Letter to Carroll County Maryland Sheriff’s Department:

I was watching my friend in Florida go through one of the scariest moments as a mom. Her daughter ran away and the local sheriff’s department was offering very little encouragement. I couldn’t believe that this missing child didn’t seem to matter. The family would call and leave messages and who knew how long it would be before they would get back to them. Then once they did, there was nothing that left them feeling like their daughter’s life mattered. They simply took the stance that it’s not illegal to runaway. There was a lot more to worry about since her daughter put an open request on SnapChat to come pick her up at 11PM.

After seeing the phone records from her last night at home they realized she may be trying to get up to Carroll County. The next morning, I went on line and pulled up your website. Under your contact section, I saw a list of all the department heads including the Sheriff himself with direct e-mails for each person. This may not be surprising to some people, but our local Sheriff’s office list one phone number and one e-mail. EVERYTHING goes through these two options. I debated for a second on who to send the e-mail to. I decided to send it directly to Sheriff  Jim DeWees.

Thinking it would turn out the way the Florida efforts did, I didn’t expect much, especially being I’m not even the parent, I’m just a concerned friend of the family. Within thirty minutes of the e-mail, Cpl. Jeremy Holland contacted me. When my phone rang, I started tearing up the second he said who he was. For the first time I felt like the right people were in my friend’s corner. After our conversation he contacted both my friend and her husband. He stayed in contact with the family all day until they tracked her down. She was safe. A giant exhale came across all of us.

As if all your department’s help wasn’t enough, I get a call from Cpl. Holland letting me know they got her, just in case I didn’t know yet. I of course then have to write back the Sheriff and he responds back right away. He knew from the e-mail that we were desperate for help in finding her. He also had wonderful things to say about his team. I am in awe!

With all the negativity in the world, I knew it was important to share our experience with world. Your team gave us hope when we were under so much stress that exhaling seemed impossible. You are true heroes. The heart and compassion of Sheriff DeWees and Cpl. Holland came through each communication with the family and I. During a very dark time, you gave us hope. Carroll County is so lucky to have you on their side.

Thank you for being the people that you are and showing us that there still is so much heart out there serving us. I feel like a better person just for getting to work with you in the slightest way. I wish you and your whole department many blessing and I hope that other Sheriff’s offices around the country see what it means to extend a hand, whether required or not, to help lift people up around them.

With Love, Prayers, and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff

To the Shame Within Me: Letters From A Better Me

To the Shame Within Me:

When I was little, I thought that when I made mistakes, I was bad. Eventually I started believing I was a horrible person for my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to circumstances that were way to advanced for me to understand. I thought I was responsible for the toxic relationships around me. I hated myself for being who I was, what I did, and what I let happen to me. That is where you started taking over my life. When at the core, I feel like a bad person, I have no other choice than to sabotage all that is good. When I believe in you, I feed the message that I don’t deserve to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and happy. I then will turn my shame on others to try to make them feel unloved, unappreciated, unacceptable, and unhappy. I don’t do this intentionally. I only can give what I have inside. When I embrace you, I’m embracing a life of misery.

I’ve discovered I don’t have to hate myself for not being perfect. The best thing I could ever do is embrace my imperfections, learn, and teach others that we all have feelings and thoughts that make us uncomfortable. I will no longer be responsible for keeping my struggles a secret so I remain trapped and doing things for the wrong reasons. My attachment to you is only hurting me and the people around me.

When I’m attached to you, my life suffers. I have no idea what’s real. I lash out for reasons I don’t understand and I hurt the innocent people who are around me. When I don’t look at myself and ask to be released from the negative thoughts and energy I’m putting out into the world, I am responsible for the suffering I create.

            

So shame, I release you from your services. I no lingered need to be ashamed of who I am. I’m human and making mistakes is how I grow. I release myself from the past that has kept me in this place of hurt. I ask forgiveness to all the people I have unintentionally hurt along the way because of how my own personal feelings of self-hate created a darkness in how I functioned in the world.

            

Today, I will commit to not keeping your secrets. I will be honest by the way I feel and know that it is ok to have dark thoughts. I will ask that when they come up, they be filled with a loving, compassionate energy to transform my thoughts into actions that will help myself and others.

            

Thank you for helping me see the truth. I realize I needed you to do what you did in order for me to grow. I know I needed to see that I am responsible for loving, appreciating, and accepting myself. I can’t depend on others to do it for me. I needed to see that I was only getting reflected back, what I was projecting out. Thank you for the lesson, now it is time for me to move on with love and compassion.

With Love and light,

A Better Me